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The Addiction Arena Looking Life Straight In the Eye "What did those people in the
drug front lines and the drug war say? "I drink
Your LiveReal Agents have
been working for some time now "Addictions":
To start with, not everyone agrees on what "addictions" are, much less, how to get free of them. And as far as agreement on the issue - at least as far as "experts" are concerned - it all goes downhill from there. Despite billions of dollars spent on research and rehab, decades and centuries of thought, study, and worry, and thousands of shelves of books written . . . the whole topic of "addictions" is still largely disorganized, confusing, and dogmatic. Ask any five experts their theory of addiction, and you can get five different answers, all equally fuzzy, misleading, or wrong. Walk into a book store, find the section on addiction, and you'll find shelves of books with dozens of experts all contradicting one another. We send men to the moon, to the other side of the world, to the bottoms of the oceans, but still can't seem to keep ourselves out of the bottle, or understand why they go there to start with. This is in part due to addiction being treated as an isolated symptom, divorced and separated from all other aspects of the human condition – relationships, emotional and psychological conditions, spirituality, and so on. Often one small aspect of addiction – such as the biochemical – is studied, discussed, and accepted, while the rest are ignored. Meanwhile, this is still a direct, immediate, pressing issue that almost every individual, in one form or another, faces. At the same time, we are interested in getting to the root of the matter. Maybe addictions can actually be understood better than they are now. Maybe all takes is a certain amount of "know-how," an openness to exploring a little unknown territory, a sturdy model of human nature to work from, and a courageous willingness to take an honest look at ourselves. And just maybe, we can find what works. Note: this LiveReal article and the Addiction
Arena "Alcohol is like love: INDEX: "People don't understand Essentially, addiction is about “The Search for IT” in one of it purest forms: individuals believe that they have found what seems to be – for a short time – the Answer, the Ultimate Experience. Yet it is revealed, in time, to be phony, a substitute, a stand-in,
a sham. It turns out not to be “IT” at all. And so,
the Search continues. Define the word "addiction": The root of the word "addiction" in Latin (not that we really know Latin or anything) is ad dicere, or "to give oneself over to another power." Meaning, in our case, the "power" of something external to oneself - alcohol, drugs, smoking, etc. We define "addictions" as ranging from the well-known and obvious, such as drugs and alcohol, to the more pervasive and subtle: food, work, television, sex, porn, the internet, work, even such subtle aspects as the need for approval, anger, and judgment - essentially, any compelling habit that dominates and eventually threatens to destroy our lives. For the purposes of this article, we're going to use the example of alcohol, though the same principles can be applied to food, drugs, cigarettes, and everything else. What distinguishes "addiction" from other "normal" food, alcohol, sex, or work? An "addiction" is an act that has a compelling, "irresistible" quality to do something (drink, eat, etc) that is ultimately destructive to those involved, or not in anyone's real long-term interest. To clarify, addiction is not a matter of the substance itself - food, sex, television, alcohol, work - anything can become addictive, depending on how you use it.
"The strength of a
temptation is known Why Alcohols (and other addictions) Are Attractive It's no mystery why alcohol and drugs and so on are attractive. They make us feel good. They either make us feel happy, or they stop us from feeling bad; they seem to give us pleasure and relief from pain. And they can go even further than that: they can seem to be The Answer - "IT". An excerpt from the movie Trainspotting says it very well: "People think
it's all about But what they forget
is the pleasure of it. Take the best orgasm
you've ever had. And when you're
off it, you're suddenly obliged . . . in other words, for a little while, at least - you think you've found "IT". Sometimes, it seems like alcohol and drugs are the only reliable and consistent way to provide an escape and release from the hassles, problems, stresses, ambiguities, uncertainties, and sufferings of everyday life. One moment, you are surrounded by pain, problems, confusion, suffering . . . Then, you see the bottle, the bottle that promises relief, the temptation, "grab a bottle, one takes some sips, settles in, and before too long, there's the "inner click," - "Ahhhhhh" . . . the soothing flow, nice warm feeling of relief. In a sense, the concept is as simple as "looking for love in all the wrong places." Only, when you're looking, you don't know that it's not there. Or at least, you're having so much fun looking that you don't care whether it's really there or not. "I am not over-fond of resisting
temptation." Life is full of pressure, strain, and tension. This "pressure" builds up in us like steam in a pot on a stove. Drinking, then, can become a "release valve" - where the "steam" is blown off. Or, at least, it numbs you to the point that things don't bother you any more. Or there is the inner ache of emptiness, this lonely isolation of bland nothingness . . . and alcohol seems to fill it up. . . . yet another theory, states something similar: the reason we like alcohol is not because we "enjoy self-destruction" or anything like it . . . rather, that alcohol puts is in touch with what seems to be a deeper part of ourselves. Psychoanalysts might say that it puts us "in touch with our unconscious." It seems to connect us with a part of ourselves beyond worries, beyond fears, beyond the petty hassles and pains of everyday life, and in touch with a more deep, fresh, creative state which is less miserable. Or a t least, it puts us into that state momentarily. What we find, when we wish to visit that place repeatedly, is that the method we use to reach that "place" is all-important. If we try to sneak in through the back door, then sooner or later, we will have to leave. "I'll die young, but it's
like kissing God." Why Addictions Are Not Attractive Of course , what we typically find out, sooner or later, is that whatever it is we're addicted to - actually isn't "IT". What seemed to be "IT" was actually a phony, an imposter, a stand-in. So the story goes like this: at a certain point we can come to believe that alcohol or drugs are "IT" - the source of happiness and life, relief, the home of what we need to get through life. We don't necessarily admit this consciously "alcohol is the source of happiness" - but for all practical purposes, we live that way. By definition, addictions are destructive - not a "real" solution, but a temporary one; as time goes on, they are a dead-end strategy which leads the user into more pain instead of less. Sooner or later, the process of addiction wind up being less fun, and more pain, than not being involved with it. But in the experience of it, alcohol produces a little pleasure, and pleasure NOW. Sure, it might lead to a large amount of pain later . . . and "later" quickly becomes an abstract, hazy, unreal concept about this faraway thing called the "future." But "I don't care about 'the future,' I care about now." "First the man takes a drink, So, what is not attractive about addictions is, in a word, "impermanence,"of course, the "release" is only temporary. Drugs wear off, buzzes become hangovers, we wake up the next morning, the next day, next week, worse off than we were before. Reality comes painfully back, along with the realization that our good time didn't last, along with an extra burden of guilt, along with all the problems we were trying to escape from to start with. The escape lasts only a short time, and after the experience fades, as it always does . . . and often creates a stronger craving for more escape, so it is a solution that eventually creates more suffering and problems than it solves. "In the beginning, Once we've learned one strategy to get pleasure/avoid pain, whether it works perfectly or not, we can tend to return to it, again and again, until it becomes a habit. In a sense, the situation can be similar to drinking
salt water: . . . you can take a drink, then feel guilty about drinking . . . then take a drink so you won't feel guilty any more . . . then feel more guilty for drinking again, then need to drink more to escape that guilt, which then makes you feel more guilty, then . . .
"Desires," "Needs," and "Compulsions" When looking into these matters, the lines get fuzzy pretty quickly: after all, what is the line between a "desire," a "compulsion," a "need"? In cases like the one above, the father might say, "I desire a drink. I'm choosing to." The rest of the family, say, would disagree - no, you don't just desire it, you need it. It's not a choice, it's compulsive." We all . . . or most of us anyway . . . have "desires." Desires are "OK." We all have "needs," which we still consider OK. But "compulsions" . . . once they cross that border, we begin viewing them with suspicion. To complicate the matter more, these are all inner, "subjective" experiences, not easily measured. When do whiskers "become" a beard? When does ice turn into water, and water into steam? Is it OK to have a compulsion or two, as long as they're not hurting anyone? It seems these are lines that individuals must find for themselves.
This is a nugget of the "Free Will verses Determinism" debate, well known in philosophy, but strongly muffled and branded irrelevant - somehow - by it's stepoffspring, psychology. The common thread between the three is the strength of the desire. Some desires we are feel we can control or resist; other desires we feel we cannot resist; this is where they cross the boundaries and become "needs" or "compulsions." In other words, an alcoholic is not defined by his external actions, he is defined by his inner psychological state.
Our strategy here is not to provide an overview of all of the various models available on addiction; our job is to overview them ourselves, take the best and most relevant pieces from all of them, and present them here. Having said that, in the popular mind today there is a brief overview of two broad models of addiction: the "Disease/Victim" model and the "Character/Responsibility" model. The "Disease/Victim" model points out that people, in general, are subject to various forces over which they have no control, similar to a rock subject to gravity and cannot "resist" falling. These forces influence human behavior whether through genetic heredity, laws of human nature, irresistible temptation, other circumstances beyond control, etc. If anyone would be in the same circumstances as the individual, they would have done the same thing. In general, "Disease/Victim" advocates see the "Character/Responsibility" advocates as self-righteous, blaming individuals who don't understand the complexities of the situation. The "Character/Responsibility" model point out that people, in general, have free will and responsibility, and choose their actions. Their core belief is that addictions are the result of giving in to temptation which it is possible to resist if one has sufficient moral fortitude and character. They see various addictions as moral weakness and character flaws both in others and in themselves, and so can show little patience with addicts. This argument is at the core of many perennial debates and hoards of passionate disagreements. Using various models, addictions can be:
In our experience, both models have at least grains of truth, and the real answer probably lies somewhere in the middle.
"One reason I don't drink Stopping Addiction: Some theories talk about addictions as purely a matter of choice: Alcohol, or whatever substance or activity, is a temptation; the "solution" to temptation is to simply resist it. If one is tempted, simply (yeah, right) resist the temptation. This is accomplished primarily through "willpower." Use your willpower, resist the temptation, and that ends the problem. The problem with that solution is that . . . well, it doesn't always work. Even for those with willpower. An example of this is the individual who resists . . . and resists, and resists, and resists, and resists still . . . and finally, exhausted, "gives in." Is this person simply "weak willed," with a "lack of character?" Or in other words . . . are those who don’t drink the ones with the strongest “willpower”? In our view, not at all. Typically, those who do not drink do not have to struggle not to drink; in a sense, it happens naturally, or effortlessly. (Note: This also brings up another issue: What is real "willpower"? If you're curious about this . . . well, so are we. Click here.) So what's the problem here? When does the valiant struggler, the one-who-wants-to-resist-temptation-but-can't - get mercy? Is temptation endless? The problem here enters by defining the problem as the physical action taken; as in, "addiction is defined as the physical action of taking a drink repeatedly." This proves inaccurate, say, in the above example. One person can take a single drink, and be an addict; another person can drink many drinks, and not be "an addict." Why? The state of addiction is not defined by the physical action of drinking; rather, it's an inner, psychological state: a craving to drink. It's a matter of overwhelming desire, an irresistible urge . . . which then gives birth to the whole temptation scenario. In other words, the "temptation" happens later in the process, as "Step 2." The craving precedes the whole dance of temptation itself. In other words, "resisting temptation" - even successfully - can be a process of pulling a weed . . . it growing back . . . pulling a weed again . . . it growing back again . . . and continuing to pull and pull and pull, seemingly without end - until either one gives up, exhausted and hopeless, or until the weed is pulled up by the root, which ends the whole temptation process itself. Eliminating the need to resist temptation is found in eliminating the craving for escape. So, while "resisting temptation" can work in some cases (when, say, the "weed" is small and weak), in other cases, it can essentially beg the question: where does the craving come from? Where do we get the irresistible urge?
Additions are like almost everything else: it's The Search for "IT". “Because man wants real transcendence
above all else, compensation
(kom' pen sat shun shan) n. The act
Many people see addictions - alcoholism, for example, as "the problem." The total solution, then, would involve simply not drinking. However, alcoholism might in fact, not be "the problem" itself, but rather, a result of the problem. In other words, alcoholism may not be the problem itself, but a symptom of the real problem. As stated in the section above, addiction can be seen as a temporary solution to a problem; the "problem" is an internal state of pain in some form: depression, worry, tension, anxiety, guilt, emptiness, fear, anger, and so forth, even if it's an unseen, unfelt, unconscious type of pain. People become addicted when life is painful, when it lacks meaning and hope, during painful transitions, and when life just overwhelms us with demands we cannot master. The underlying cause of addiction is the problems we face when we're sober. The alcohol provides a relief from this state. It's an escape from oneself. It's a way to cope with a reality that's too painful to face. The real problem is, in a way, denial of reality. For example: a man loses his job and wife, feels depressed, considers himself to be down on his luck, defines himself as unlucky. He feels depressed, heavy, unhappy, guilty, disappointed, lonely. He then drinks a pint, which numbs him to the point to where he doesn't feel unhappy, guilty, and so forth. It is a natural habitual tendency to try to repeat pleasurable experiences and avoid painful ones. Yet, when we believe we've found a formula to "beat life," by taking only pleasure and no pain . . . that's when we get ourselves into trouble. The problem in this example is not the drinking in itself, but that the only way he knows to handle the depression, guilt, unhappiness, loneliness and so forth, is the bottle. Another example, a woman is constantly nagged, insulted, and put down by her husband, which in time causes her to feel worthless, helpless, angry, resentful, and impotent. She starts drinking alcohol to numb her to the pain of her seemingly unsolvable problem. Again, the real problem in this example is not the drinking (which is her solution), the problem is the worthlessness, helplessness, anger, powerlessness and so forth, that she is trying to cope with. If she were to go to rehab, dry out, then come back to her husband, she would find herself in the exact same situation as when she started, probably with dozens more theories about why she was unhappy. An addicted person can struggle against this habit with a ritual of temptation, resisting temptation, giving in, and resisting again: "I want to, but I shouldn't." The discomfort continues . . . "I shouldn't, but . . . heck, I'll do it." Temporary relief for a time . . . eventually, the pain comes back again, and the ritual happens all over again. Over time, if a person continues to struggle against the temptation and repeatedly seems to "fail," his or her will to fight gets worn down, hopeless that they can ever win - eventually they see the temptation as too powerful to master, and they begin giving in from the start. This is where the slide begins downhill ("Leaving Las Vegas"-style) that leads to more pain. Someone could not touch alcohol for months . . . but the craving could still be there. If what has been said so far is accurate, here is the process:
The real solution lies first with Step 1, dealing
with discomfort or pain. That's no mystery. Life is full of it. "During the interview, Kelly
said she felt driven to drink Specific problems such as a nagging wife, an abusive husband, a divorce, physical pain, seeming to fail at a job or important project, a realization that one's goals or dreams may not come true, a lack of purpose or meaningfulness, a sense of emptiness, and so forth. Or even some other vague, undefined, nonspecific pain . . . some uncomfortable feeling that, somehow "things aren't right," yet being unable to pinpoint exactly anything that is wrong . . . a chronic, generalized, nonspecific state of discomfort. Often pain can be felt as a general dread, a dark fear of nothing specific, but "something" that, when we catch a scent of it, seems pretty unpleasant to deal with. This type can be either residual pain of the past - resurfacing emotions left over from events in the past, which got shoved aside, and are now coming back up to the surface; or a dawning realization of emptiness, meaninglessness, or some other unpleasant something that we know, but really wish we didn't know . . . or even the core root of all of it, "ego." At any rate, the process of recovering from an addiction, for those who want to do it, is a step-by-step of being able to, bit by bit, face squarely the pain of reality until it ceases to be painful. This means uncovering the source of pain and learning how to deal with it properly, which sooner or later, will let the craving drop away. Life deals us all a certain amount of pain. A certain amount of pain is unavoidable, whether we drink or not. The question is, would we rather have it now, or later? And often, our choice is, would we like to face a little bit of pain now, or a lot of pain later? The process of recovery seems to be a heroic choice of consciously, deliberately, "going into" the pain now, instead of later. What one often discovers is that if one is able to find the pain and face it - it goes away. Once the pain goes away, the craving - say, to drink - falls away too. And once the craving is gone . . . then whether to drink or not is no longer an issue. Practical Steps and Suggestions Here are a few suggestions for anyone who wants to get free of addictive habits.
"The sway of alcohol over mankind "His craving for alcohol "Know that, by nature, "Being one with the universe, So, This corresponds "What did those people in the drug
front lines and the drug war say? If addiction is a "spiritual problem," Other Suggestions: * Order "The Addiction Pack" audio tapes by Roy Masters. Becoming free of addiction is a matter of understanding and getting control of your mind and emotions, developing the ability to cope with reality, and realizing that reality isn't the pure hell it seems to be. Listen to the tapes, and if they seem to make sense, keep "working" them. See what happens. * Find and communicate with people who have been through this before. There are many people who have successfully broken free from addictions and are familiar with the process and probably understand what you're going through better than you do. They can sometimes help more than anything else. * Along with the above tapes, see what else can help the the process of learning coping skills, dealing with pressure and interpersonal communication necessary to start enjoying real life again. This is often a process of learning to become objective, learning how to "rise above" thoughts and feelings rather than being "caught up in" them, to where you see clearly and have control. * Check out a few movies. "Clean and Sober," "Leaving Las Vegas," "28 Days," and so on. You're not alone, you're not the first person doing this for the first time. * Play with the idea of "Bottoming out, before you actually bottom out."
* When facing yourself and going through a sincere soul-searching, a certain amount of sorrow and grieving is normal, natural, and expected. This is good and healing. This cleansing opens a person up to new beginnings. * If you want motivation, try the following exercise: take out a sheet of paper, and on one side, write all the positive benefits and good aspects of living free from craving; on the other side, write in detail all the painful outcomes of going down the road of addiction. * Additional books:
And finally, talk to us. This field of study is
still evolving. - and maybe we can use your experience to help
some others. Send your story/feedback/comments Peace.
"I drink
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