CHARACTER

How to Build It

Lots of folks say you can "be whatever you want to be."

Far fewer are willing to, say, even sit down for a minute and read a web page about it.

Even fewer actually set about doing something about it.

In one way, of course, this topic itself is much too vast and broad, deep and wide, to cover even halfway adequately here, even for your dedicated LiveReal Agent. And really, in a way, the entire LiveReal site is, in one way or another, dedicated to this very topic

But still, we have our job to do.

Maxim

We've wracked our churning brains for a can't-go-wrong practical motto. Haven't found it yet, but got this:

"Be awake."

"You" can't

Strictly speaking, character cannot really be "built," in the way that "you" cannot "grow" a flower. Flowers do grow, and character is built, but in a strict sense, it's not "you" "doing" it.

"Knowledge can be communicated
but not wisdom."
- Herman Hesse

You "can"

That said, there is still plenty of concrete, practical things you can definitely do to create the ideal environment. In this sense, one's character is built like a house, brick by brick and moment by moment.

While certain aspects of growing a flower are out of your control, here are definitely plenty of things you can do, for example: plant seeds, pull up weeds, water it, keep rabbits away from it, place it in the sun, and so on. Once that's done, the rest takes care of itself naturally.

"We must cultivate our garden."
- Francois Marie Arouet Voltaire

In the same way, if you have a glimpse of a real dream, desire, or vision of what you'd like to do or be, you can "plant" those thoughts and dreams deep in mind, and nurture them, remember them, keep them full of water, sun, and nutrients with the right amount of work and attention every day, you can uproot and dig out bad habits and stay away from distractions, and so forth, and the rest takes care of itself.

"From a timid, shy girl
I had become a woman of resolute character,
who could not longer be frightened by the struggle with troubles."
- Anna Dostoevsky

Even inner fertilizer, if used the right way, can be useful.

"We make a ladder of our vices,
if we trample those same vices underfoot."
- Saint Augustine

How It's Not Built

A few ways it is not built:

by intellectual learning,

". . . people not understand about learning,
think necessary talk all the time,
learn through mind, words.
Not so.
Many things only learn from feeling, even sensation."
- George Gurdjieff, as quoted by Adam Smith

(also see Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman)

by inaction,

"Deliberation is the work of many men.
Action, of one alone."
- Charles de Gaulle

- by only reading books and web pages, by nagging, preaching, talking . . .

"When you think you have a virtue,
you are on the wrong path.
You cannot have a virtue;
you can only release a virtue from your Core where it already exists.
Something that you already have cannot be searched for or acquired.
When you imitate having a virtue, it is a sign
that you do not know what that virtue is
and that you are not ready to manifest it.
Such behavior builds hypocrisy in you,
making it impossible to build a dependable character."
- Torkom Saraydarian

. . . and to repeat a quote from above:

"There also seems a parallel
between the role of the Socratic dialectic
in the education of the intellect
and the role of free-association
in the psychoanalytic education of the emotions.
Both are developed from the observation
that virtue cannot be taught,
i.e., the truth cannot simply be stated by the teacher
and learned by rote by the pupil
because the results of learning cannot be separated
from the process of inquiry
which each individual must live through
for himself at first-hand."
- W. H. Auden

and most importantly, by ignoring it, not thinking about it, not talking, thinking, or reading about it . . .by not doing anything.

Learn

The above said, to make an example, the practice of gardening is not some new, unknown experiment, although many approach it that way. Plenty of other people have done it all before, millions have spent lifetimes learning the tricks of the trade, how it all works, secrets to doing it all right. While many insist on doing it all themselves, reinventing the wheel, at some point that approach is, well, isn't the strategy of the brightest bulb in the socket.

"'Learn what is true
in order to do what is right'
is the summing up of the whole duty of man."
- Thomas Henry Huxley

A worthwhile thing to do, that might save some time and make things more efficient and successful, is to swap gardening tips with others who have done it before. Read, study, learn.

"The scars of others should teach us caution."
- Saint Jerome

"Self-reflection
is the school of wisdom."
- Baltasar Gracian

Work

No secret insider tip here. Nothing worthwhile is easy. If you want something, you've gotta pay for it. Houses are built one brick at a time, and the day-by-day, tiny, momentary decisions - gradualism - are often the crucial key to succeeding where grand sweeping gestures fail.

"The journey of a thousand miles
begins with a single step."
- Lao- Tzu

". . . from the fighting of the battle of life
courageously and undauntedly."
- D. T. Suzuki

"Nothing will come of nothing."
- William Shakespeare

"It is easier for a father to have children
than for children to have a real father."
- Pope John XXIII

"Withdraw into yourself and look.
And if you do not find yourself beautiful yet,
act as does the creator of a statue that is to be made beautiful;
he cuts away here, he smooths there, he makes this line lighter, this other purer,
until a lovely face has grown upon his work.
So do you also: cut away all that is excessive,
straighten all that is crooked,
bring light to all that is overcast,
labour to make all one glow of beauty and never cease chiselling your statue,
until there shall shine out on you from it
the godlike splendour of virtue,
until you shall see the perfect goodness surely established in the stainless shrine."
- Plotinus

Attention

It's a worthwhile endeavor to first, decide what to pay attention to, and two, to pay attention to it.

"Attention! Attention! Attention!"
- answer to "What is Zen?"

"Dripping water
hollows out a stone . . ."
- Ovid

If persistence is the root of success, the ability to "pay attention" is the root of persistence. And the ability to direct your attention isn't something that "happens," or that you get from a pill.

"We never do anything well
till we cease to think about the manner of doing it."
- William Hazlitt

Control 101

It's impossible to really get anything done unless there's a minimum degree of "self control."

There are more than a few people who want to make trillions, conquer the world, attain complete and total enlightenment . . . meanwhile, they no more go on a diet than they see a moist, juicy piece of chocolate cake and instantly transform into a raving puddle of drool and slobber.

"The mind is indeed restless, Arjuna:
it is indeed hard to train.
But by constant practice and by freedom from passions
the mind in truth can be trained."
- The Bhagavad Gita

To elaborate, it's sometimes said that "the measure of a man is his word."

So then,

The Ability to Make A Decision and Carry it out.

"I am tied to the stake,
and I must stand the course."
- William Shakespeare

Lots of folks, all non-LiveReal customers, live lives of making resolutions and breaking them, making resolutions and breaking them, making more resolutions and breaking them.

"Imagine a country
where everyone can be king for five minutes
and do during these five minutes just what he likes
with the whole kingdom.
That is our life."
- G. I. Gurdjieff

In this sense, a person isn't the "captain of his own ship, master of their soul" (although they might imagine they are) - they're more of a stowaway, stuck in the sidelines and along for the ride.

"I recognize that I am made up of several persons
and that the person that at the moment has the upper hand
will inevitably give place to another.
But which is the real one? All of the or none?"
- W. Somerset Maugham

To remedy this, there is a simple practice (described by American Zen guy Richard Rose), something so basic and laborious that probably no one will ever actually do it. But, we'll lay it out anyways, because that's our job. Here it is:

Develop the ability to make a decision
and carry it out.

Here, the simpler the better - make a decision, say, to not watch tv for a day, no matter what happens. Or, decide to jog twice a week, rain or shine, no matter what. What you decide to do is irrelevant; the act of deciding and following through is what it's all about.

"When a man takes an oath, Meg,
he's holding his own self in his own hands.
Like water.
(He cups his hands)
And if he opens his fingers then -
he needn't hope to find himself again.
Some men aren't capable of this,
but I'd be loathe to think
your father one of them."
- Thomas More, in
Robert Oxton Bolt's play/movie
A Man for All Seasons

It's like going to the gym - start with small weights, small decisions that are successfully carried out - and gradually, add on bigger weights, and swear off television for a year, or something. Each successful process, of making a decision and carrying it out, builds greater confidence in the sense of being in control of one's life. Again, the important thing isn't what you do, it's the process of doing what you say you're going to do.

"Once the decision has been made,
close your ear even to the best counterargument:
sign of a strong character.
Thus an occasional
will to stupidity."
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Then, you build momentum, make bigger decisions and carry them out, gradually learn not to make corrosive promises you can't keep, take pride in your ability to actually be a person of your word, and move from being stowaway to captain.

"In general, few people have attention . . .
Only when you have gained attention
can you begin to observe yourself and know yourself.
You must start on small things. What small things. . . ?
You have nervous, restless movements
which make people think you are a booby
and have no authority over yourself.
The first thing is to see these movements and stop them."
- G. I. Gurdjieff

To say it again,

"Until one is committed
there is hesitancy,
the chance to draw back,
always ineffectiveness.
Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation),
there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which
kills countless ideas and splendid plans:
That the moment one definitely commits oneself,
then providence moves too.
All sorts of things occur to help one
that would never otherwise have occurred.
A whole stream of events issues from the decision,
raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents
and meetings and material assistance,
which no man could have dreamt would have come his way.
I have learned
a deep respect for one of Goethe's couplets:
'Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it."
- W. H. Murray

And more...

Life is stressful. Part of character is knowing how to deal with it.

Know how to protect your mind.

And it's all happening in your body.

If something you're addicted to is dragging you down, learn how to kick it.

It's reflected and expressed in your relationships with others.

If there are "issues" that need to be resolved, deal with them.

Have a solid, sturdy, reality-based sense of the Big Picture.

. . . and it helps to hang out with other people who are doing the same.

. . . and buy Livereal Products!

OK, so this one is a little self-serving.

But hey, it's still there for a reason. LiveReal has combed the planet searching for character-inducing individuals and materials. If all the information in the LiveReal Products section would be absorbed and understood, well, there are definitely worse ways to spend your time.

But hey, don't take our word for it. See for yourself.

LiveReal Products

In Conclusion

". . . the great liberation consists in
being freed of the pairs of opposites, freed of duality -
and finding instead the nondual OneTaste that gives rise to both.
This is liberation because we cease
the impossible, painful dream
of spending our entire lives
trying to find an up without a down,
an inside without an outside,
a good without an evil,
a pleasure without its inevitable pain."
- Ken Wilber

"Thus men will lie on their backs,
talking about the fall of man,
and never make an effort to get up."
- Henry David Thoreau

"If we want to make a river-bed dry,
perhaps to investigate something of interest,
it is no use drawing off the water in the particular place
where we imagine the thing to be,
since more water keeps flowing down.
But if we cut off the flow from above,
the river-bed becomes dry
without any further effort on our part:
the water automatically runs away,
and so we can examine what interests us.
Likewise, as soon as the senses
are no longer supplying material from outside,
it becomes easy to empty our mind
of the impressions that produce the passions.
But when the senses keep conveying a constant stream of impressions,
it is not just difficult but completely impossible
to free the intellect from this inundation."
- St. Neilos the Ascetic

"If a man lives without inner struggle,
if everything happens in him without opposition,
if he goes wherever he is drawn or whenever the wind blows,
he will remain such as he is."
- George I. Gurdjieff

"It is . .. sometimes easier to head an institute
for the study of child guidance
than it is to turn one brat
into a decent human being."
- Joseph Wood Krutch

"The soul of man is his friend
when by the Spirit he has conquered his soul;
but when a man is not lord of his soul
then this becomes his own enemy."
- The Bhagavad Gita

"Legend has it that when the gods made the human race,
they fell to arguing where to put the answers to life
so the humans would have to search for them.
One god said, 'Let's put the answers on top of a mountain.
They will never look for them there.'
'No,' said the others. 'They'll find them right away.'
Another god said, 'Let's put them in the center of the earth.
They will never look for them there.'
'No,' said the others. 'They'll find them right away.'
Then another spoke, 'Let's put them in the bottom of the sea.
They will never look for them there.'
'No,' said the others. 'They'll find them right away.'
Silence fell . . .
After a while another god spoke,
'We can put the answers to life within them.
They will never look for them there.'
And so they did that."
- Marie-Louise von Franz

"Persistence . . .
Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence.
Talent will not... nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent.
Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.
Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts.
Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent."
- Anonymous

"If a man in the street were to pursue his self,
what kind of guiding thoughts would he come up with
about changing his existence?
He would perhaps discover that his brain is not yet dead,
that his body is not dried up,
and that no matter where he is right now,
he is still the creator of his own destiny.
He can change this destiny by taking
this one decision to change seriously,
by fighting his petty resistances against change and fear,
by learning more about his mind,
by trying out behavior which fills his real need,
by carrying out concrete acts rather than conceptualizing about them,
by practicing to see and hear and touch and feel
as he has never before used these senses,
by creating something with his own hands
without demanding perfection,
by thinking out ways in which he behaves in a self-defeating manner,
by listening to the words and looking into the eyes
of those who speak to him,
by learning to respect the process of his own creative encounters
and by having faith they will get him somewhere soon.
We must remind ourselves, however,
that no change takes place without working hard
and without getting your hands dirty.
There are no formulas and no books to memorize on becoming.
I only know this: I exist, I am, I am here, I am becoming,
I make my life and no one else makes it for me.
I must face my own shortcomings, mistakes, transgressions.
No one can suffer my non-being as I do,
but tomorrow is another day, and I must decide
to leave my bed and live again.
And if I fail, I don't have the comfort of blaming you or life or God."
- J. Zinker

"Our revels now are ended. These our actors,
As I foretold you, were all spirits and
Are melted into air, into thin air:
And, like the baseless fabric of this vision,
The cloud-capp'd towers, the gorgeous palaces,
The solemn temples, the great globe itself,
Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve
And, like this insubstantial pageant faded,
Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff
As dreams are made on, and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep."
- William Shakespeare

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