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JEALOUSY by Omraam Mikhaël Aïvanhov (for more Omraam Mikhaël Aïvanhov click here) Talk about it
Jealousy is something that is often found in lovers . . . Many couples come to me, the husband accusing his wife and the wife accusing the husband of being unfaithful. And then, when I examine the situation, I find that the whole thing exists only in their imagination. What is really at the bottom of all this commotion? People are afraid of losing the one they love, and yet, what a lot of pleasure they get from nagging and tormenting them. "It's because I love you, that I torture you, darling." Strange logic! Many women, in fact, are dissatisfied and unhappy if their husband is not jealous. A woman may have a husband who shows that he loves her, who gives her whatever she asks for, who gives her all the freedom he wants and, instead of being grateful and happy, she is worried and suspicious and thinks he must be keeping a mistress. Does she want him to keep her chained to the home? Does he have to behave like a dragon to keep her happy? We have already seen women in the clutches of a dragon and they are far from happy. Believe me, it is impossible to satisfy human nature. If a husband gives his wife complete freedom, she complains, "Why doesn't he keep me for himself? Why does he give me so much freedom if not because he has another woman, somewhere? And if he is a tyrant, a despot, she weeps and moans and tries to find another man to set her free. When you want to own something as your private property, you are afraid to share it with others, you are afraid of losing it, and here we have the root cause of jealousy: the fear of losing something which supposedly belongs to you. But who has ever decreed that your husband or wife should be your private property? You may have known them for two years or ten, but they were created long before you ever knew them. They have parents and a Creator; they have existed for millions of years; they don't belong to you. A husband will say, "She's my wife and I can kill her if I want to ." Yes, she is your wife, but for how long? Only God knows that. You are simply associates. If you want to avoid serious misunderstandings and misfortunes, look on her as your associate or business partner - whether willing or unwilling, who knows? you are partners in a specific task, in the building of a house, for instance. To bring a child into the world is to build a house, for instance. To bring a child into the world is to build a house; the child is a spirit that comes from a long way away and you build his house for him, brick by brick. The fear of losing something that belongs to you, therefore, is the cause of all misunderstandings. You are afraid of losing the person you love and you imagine that they belong to you, but they don't; they are not your property. You use every means you can think of to hold on to them, you torment and ill-treat them and force them to do what you want, but all this creates disorder. And, when it comes down to it, what are you actually holding on to? Suppose that you have a very pretty wife: can you prevent other men from looking at her and admiring her or, even, from following her? There is no lack of opportunity: other men will look at your wife in the street, at the theatre and in restaurants, when you are with friends, everywhere, and, if you are unreasonable about it, you will suffer continually. You are like a man with a garden full of flowers: he cannot prevent their perfume from filling the air and being enjoyed by everybody. What you are actually clinging to with such jealousy is the body of your beloved, that is to say, an envelope, a shell. That which constitutes the essence, the true value of a human being, are his thoughts and feelings and you cannot imprison them. It is the greatest possible illusion to think that one can dominate a human soul. It is as though one tried to tie up a bundle of sand or change the direction of the wind. The soul can never be subjugated. The physical body can be held captive, but not the mysterious being that inhabits it . . . How can the fear of losing a shell, someone's body or house, be compared to the joy of winning a spirit, of having that spirit at your side? You will say that you would rather have both, the body and the spirit. Yes, that is understandable, but there are other ways of winning them. You cannot win them with anger or violence; on the contrary, you will only lose both of them that way. You are going to have to adopt quite a different attitude i lf that free spirit is to become so attached to you that nothing will ever tear it away. This is where the science of love begins. There is only one absolutely harmless way of getting someone to love you freely and without coercion, and that is never to think anything negative about them, to send them only the purest and most luminous, the most splendid thoughts. Even if they are cruel and hard-hearted, be very patient; put up with everything, however hard, and continue to love and help them. If you truly love them, sooner or later, they will begin to love you in return, with a pure, divine love. Jealousy is a very difficult feeling to conquer. It cannot be done simply by struggling against it. As I told you, yesterday, there is nothing you can do about a force that has already been unleashed the pressure is too great, it overturns everything in its path. Don't try to dam up a river once the floodgates have been opened, it is too dangerous: it will sweep everything before it. The only thing you can do is avoid opening the floodgates: that is the only way to remain in control of the situation. Intelligence is the only thing that can overcome jealousy. It is all a question of thought, of reason. Perhaps someone will say, "That's all very well, but if I don't keep a jealous guard over my wife, she will go and get herself into trouble." Don't you believe it. On the contrary, it is when a woman is guarded jealously that she is most likely to get into trouble. Have you even been inside her head or her heart, to find out what goes on in there? A woman is such a good liar she could almost deceive the Lord Himself . . . how can a jealous husband be fool enough to imagine that he can hold her? If there is one thing that I don't believe, it is that a man can hold a woman. She can hold herself, yes, but her husband cannot. He can lock her up in a tower, but he will summon the devil himself and amuse herself with him in order to revenge herself on her husband. Jealousy always brings disaster. If a woman continually hears her husband accusing her of being unfaithful to him, she may well be driven to thinking, "Perhaps it's not such a bad idea, after all. Why don't I try it; it might be fun." Until then, she has always been faithful and never tried to deceive her husband; it is his constant suspicion that ends by creating the right conditions . . . and, once she has made up her mind to deceive him, not only does she do so, but she shows extraordinary sill in putting his suspicions to rest: "Darling, you can be absolutely certain: I'm telling you the truth." And, although he refused to believe her when she was telling the truth, now that she is lying, he believes her. Jealous is a lack of intelligence. Someone clings desperately to his property because he does not see that the soul and spirit of the person whose body he possesses so jealously are absolutely free. If you begin to realize that there is something else to a human being, something subtler, which must regulate your relationships, you will be less rigid and more willing to use gentler, more intelligent methods in dealing with the ones you love. And they, when they see that you are capable of being reasonable, that you are not going to use violence and that they can really trust you, they will become far more deeply attached to you. When fear disappears, you will relax and be less crude, brutal and vindictive; you will be more peaceful and more able to find solutions to your problems. And what if your wife does stop loving you? Remind yourself that her soul is free, that she will not be with you for the rest of eternity, in any case . . . Why be upset if she does not love you any longer? What about you: will you always love her? Have you loved her ever since she was created? No. Stop worrying, then, and get it into your head that it is unfair to demand everything of her while you consider yourself free to do whatever you please. Jealousy is a terrible sentiment that casts a shadow on the light of the spirit. It is hell's most evil counselor; it drives people to do senseless things that, when it is too late, they regret. A man kills the woman he loves in a fit of jealousy and then mourns her and kills himself . . . A disciple must have nothing to do with jealousy. It is a disgrace for him to continue to be beset by such worries, such anguish. If his wife leaves him, se sho8uld reflect about it and tell himself, "It is really sad that I have lost my wife; I'm going to miss her dreadfully, but I still have heaven, God, the light, the teaching, the Master . . . I'm rich." If you only have one loaf of bread you are not going to be very generous, but if you have dozens, you will give some of them away, because you know that you will still have some for yourself. Jealousy is a sign of poverty. He who is inwardly rich is not afraid of being left alone; even if everybody abandons him, he senses that hundreds and thousands of spirits will continue to keep him company. One of the best ways of freeing oneself from jealousy is to learn to love on a higher plane. Why does a woman who loves a man for his intelligence and learning, for his noble spirit and great kindness, want the whole world to know him? Why is she happy when she sees that everybody comes to him? Because her love is of a higher kind, far superior to the commonplace, physical love with which most women love a man because he has an adorable little moustache or marvelous muscles. The important thing, therefore, is to learn how to transform your love; you must realize that, if it is very sensual, it will inevitably be accompanied by jealousy. The more physical your love, the more you will want your beloved to belong exclusively to you and you will be jealous. The more spiritual your love, the more you will want to share it with others.
What do you think?
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