"FEAR OF INTIMACY"
"Most people have a fear
and at the same time are terrified of being alone."
- Robert Firestone and Joyce Catlett
Talk about it:
it that we can be so terrified of "intimacy"?
After all . . . intense experiences of intimacy are often the most powerful experiences of love that most of us ever feel.
But why is intimacy so rare? And why, if it's something so good, would we possibly fear it?
Sounds like a job
for LiveReal . . .
What we've discovered is that intimacy is something we both desire and fear.
It's something like driving with one foot on the gas pedal and one foot on the brake. We want to go, yet we're afraid of moving. On some level of awareness, we feel ambiguous - we want it desperately, yet at the same time we're terrified of it and want to avoid it at all costs.
Why are we so afraid of intimacy?
Of course, "fear of intimacy" is essentially a certain type of fear. And if we truly, deeply understand fear itself (click here), then the particular, specific fears we experience take care of themselves naturally.
And of course, intimacy involves a degree of vulnerability, and many folks are afraid of being vulnerable.
But it also goes deeper than that.
Could it be that during moments of intimacy, another person sees us in a way that we don't see ourselves . . . and so it threatens our idea of who we are?
Who we think we are - our idea of who we are - we will call, for our purposes here "ego".
Perhaps intimacy is a glimpse beyond ourselves (beyond our "egos") - it is a momentary, intense, terrifying experience when we know - if only for a few moments - that we are not who we think we are. And these glimpses, as powerful as they are, are terrifying.
This is suspiciously similar to what is perhaps an identical dilemma that comes up on the search for "spiritual enlightenment".
The "solution", then, for a "fear of intimacy" . . .
- lies in broadening your understanding of "who you are."
This process essentially means really, truly finding out who you are. This means not only discovering a "new you," in a way, but also means discovering who you aren't and, in a way, "dropping those egos". Because it is very likely that, if you embark on this search and are sincere about wanting to find out . . . you will discover that you are not who you think you are.
And this can be a very, very powerfully enriching experience.
So, then, how do you find out who you are?
Well, are a million answers to that question . . . and there is no answer to that question. There are many ways . . . for example, simple experiences of real, true, raw intimacy or love.
Another way is to practice certain exercises which are designed to help you discover who you are.
Another way is to spend time with certain folks who might know the score, and get them to help you out.
Another way could be to check out The LiveReal Products - and other articles about ego, for example, or discovering "who you are" - and then joining up and talking to other folks about it . . .
But the trick is,
no one can do it for you . . . and more importantly,
you have to actually do it . . .
Talk about it: