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Erich Fromm Talk about it:
Summary: Undoubtedly a great book and a classic in the field. And, undoubtedly, extremely limited in the effect it can have on real life . . . Erich Fromm, a psychoanalyst heavily influenced by Freud (if that's not redundant), wrote The Art of Loving, a widely-respected classic in the field of relationship self-help literature.
A description of the book: Most of us are unable to develop our ability to love on the only level that really counts - a love that is compounded of maturity, self-knowledge, and courage. Learning to love demands practice and concentration. Even more than any other art, it demands genuine insight and understanding. In this startling book, Fromm discusses love in all aspects: not only romantic love, so surrounded by false conceptions, but also love of parents for children, brotherly love, erotic." And from the back cover of the book: We obviously agree with just about everything stated above. Very few people (since everybody seems to think that they're already LoveMasters - it's everybody else who has the problems) see "love" as something they can "develop," or are willing to put forth the actual "practice" and "concentration" that Fromm calls for. No doubt, the world would be a much better place if more people read Fromm's book - and without getting too far-out here - even practiced it. But if we just sat around and rattled on and on about how great a book it is . . . how boring would that be? So, having firmly established that the book is really great and wonderful and all that . . . we feel that we must do our valiant duty, and - from our overflowing love for the book and thus our desire to apply its message to our real lives - we must go ahead and get right to attacking it. LiveReal Lovers On The Art Of It So then . . . OK, where, exactly, are all these supposed "hundreds of thousands" of consummate lovers? Despite the glowing praise on the back of the book:
. . . the question is . . . since this book was published fifty years ago, is the world now actually more "loving" than it was then? Do we all really understand more about love than we did then? What has all of the inspiration that has allegedly happened to "countless numbers of men and women" . . . actually gotten us? Has all of the "hidden potential" really been "released"? If so, how and where? Could it possibly, possibly be, that . . . well, that the bold statements on the back of the book - that now, finally, we've completely figured "love" out, and now we're just sharing it and spreading it and smearing it all over the place - is just a tiny bit, well . . . overstated? An overstated claim on the back of a self-help book? No way. Couldn't be. Who could imagine? We're not trying to be negative (lest we be forced to endure the wrath of all of Fromm's fans - er, lovers) but the general consensus around the LiveReal Nation is that Fromm's work is like so many other books in a similar vein: it is extremely rewarding, inspiring, and insightful while you're reading it; it inspires people to claim that it changed their lives and shifted their perspective . . . yet two weeks, a month, a few months after reading it . . . it's basically forgotten about, and it's back to business as usual. (By the way - the advertising for this book suggests that it will "change your life." Is there truth in this instance of advertising? Has it changed your life? How? This is our business, so let us know: info@LiveReal.com) It's not really Fromm's fault that the work he describes is great in theory but difficult to apply to the real world. In this regards, he is similar to many other lofty-yet-often-impractical authors, including Marianne Williamson, Thomas Moore, the Stones, Gerald Jampolsky, and many others. While all of these authors often present impressive, quality material and helpfully accurate insights, the actual "feel" of the books, functionally speaking, is more accurately like poetry - inspiring, moving, and even profound, yet doesn't necessarily instructive on how to navigate the treacherous waters of gritty, day-to-day reality once the book has been put down. In other words, like so many others, it would very very interesting to pit Fromm and some of the above authors in a high-stakes debate against, say, Tom Leykis Expectations But of course, the problem with all "insights" that are read in a book is that they must go through a process of
This process, while seeming to be simple enough, often be a difficult, treacherous, and riddled with hazards. (Case Study #1: The Gospels). There are "many slips between cup and lip," and many hazards often lie between the act of intellectually reading an "insight" in a book and correctly applying it to one's life. Especially when it comes in book form. Although "love" is drenched in mystery, one of the few qualities that is pretty much universally agreed upon by everyone . . . is that it is something that is felt. Therefore, the reader of Fromm's book finds themselves in a somewhat perplexing position of reader about something they should, have, or ought to . . . feel. And there is little more frustrating or unbearable than trying to apply something that was read in a book . . . in other words, trying to take something intellectual . . . and "apply" it towards feelings, or one's emotional/instinctive faculties. After all, even if you have the most poetic, intellectually astute, brilliantly accurate thoughts in the world, but they may be utterly useless in helping you feel anything. And more often than not, one either winds up with a bunch of words and ideas that have little to do with what one actually feels (and if that's the case, why read the book to start with?) . . . or even worse - some wise-guy/girl who becomes intellectual about love. Further, The Art of Loving really doesn't say too much that's controversial - after all, is there anybody who is really against "love," and calling for more of it? The controversial part - the immensely more difficult task (one that Fromm largely avoids) - would be, say, very compassionately taking this message out into the war zone of real-life and confronting all the people who aren't exactly practicing Fromm's message. In other words, making a transition from readers-of-poetic-works-about-love to - if the term isn't too oxymoronic - "warriors of love." Another . . . umm, how can we say this . . . "potential course for taking the next step" . . . This might sound a little crazy (although this, of course, doesn't necessarily stop it from being true): just about everyone, openly or secretly, already thinks that they are an "expert" on "love." It seems to be a strange fact of life that practically everyone, from the 13 year-old girl to the 80 year-old man, secretly thinks that she or he knows more about love than everyone around her or him. The average individual implicitly assumes they either 1) know all there is to know about the subject, and so don't bother trying to learn, or 2) the opposite - they assume that they know nothing, and neither does anyone else, so they don't bother trying to learn. There are a few exceptions to these categories - including, for example, many of those who read books like The Art of Loving. Yet, as if all this weren't enough, even many of these folks seem to read it not to actually learn something they didn't already know in order to truly want to change their lives, or because they're so eager to do the grueling work involved in becoming a great lover . . . but rather, they read it because they already see themselves as great lovers, and now have proof of it (". . . after all, I've read the book!"). Outside of all of these folks, however, the book seems best suited for those rare individuals who are willing to admit both that
(One final side note, which is actually just a point of curiosity: we find it very interesting that academics rate this book so highly. The reason for this is that often these same academics never tire of criticizing, ridiculing, lampooning, and dismissing Freud. Yet when one of Freud's students and followers writes a great book, and they can't praise it enough. This is somewhat similar to most intellectual academics' position on the controversial topic of hypnosis. Most academics dismiss hypnosis as mystical hogwash, believed in only by the weak-minded. Yet when asked to explain, for example, televangelists, faith-healers, or even explaining "the placebo effect," etc, etc, etc, hypnosis is often the first answer they give to dismiss it all. Classic case of trying to have it both ways.) So, overall, you can do much worse than checking out Erich Fromm on you way to becoming a great lover. But once you've read the book, the journey has just begun . . .
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