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Hal & Sidra Stone
Talk about it: Partnering: A New Kind of Relationship
The Stones (meaning, Hal & Sidra, not the band) wrote the book Partnering in addition to other books on overcoming self-criticism and self-acceptance. And here we are, criticizing them. Baaaad LiveReal Agents, Baaaad! (Another interesting note: they wrote a book entitled "You Don't Have to Write a Book." Go figure . . . we've been chewing on that one for a while now.) Actually, the Stones have put together a pretty good work, and there's not much to criticize or not accept. Except, maaaybe, for . . . Essentially, the Stones are yet more authors who are spreading an insightful, helpful, overall very good message that will most likely be, unfortunately enough, out of print and even forgotten in several years, due primarily to the disorganization of the field of psychology and self-help. The thrust of their message lies in a very good model of understanding and working with couples that enrich personal relationships, shedding light on the dynamics that create misunderstanding and pain in relationship, and giving clear direction on how to create successful and soulful relationships. They also go beyond the usual line about communication skills, instead encouraging couples to "express their vulnerability" in ways that lead to genuine empathy and intimacy, including the "energetic and non-verbal" aspects of relationships help make sense of relationships in ways no other modality touches. Their message includes several practical suggestions, such as turning relationships into true "joint ventures" (with regular "business meetings" to boot - as if one "job" weren't enough . . .) as well as more general recommendations for balancing the need for relationship with the need for individuality, relinquishing judgment and criticism, improving decision-making and communication abilities, "celebrating" sensuality and sexuality (an interesting choice of words), and including children without sacrificing intimate relationships. Some of their best work lies in their emphasis on vulnerability as the key to an intimate relationship (see also David Deida), as well as revealing the many different "selves" that make up our personalities. They describe how those inner "selves" impact relationships, and the Stones offer both general concepts and specific tips that will help couples of all kinds succeed.
In summary, the Stones offer some insightful yet general-sounding stuff to those who are looking not towards solving specific problems in their relationships, but rather, for general ways to improve them. In this way, they have much in common with Fromm, Williamson, Jampolsky, and others. In an ideal world, the work and message of the Stones would take a place incorporated into a single body of thought, the way the insights of Godol in mathematics or Escher in art are incorporated and organized into their various disciplines. Until that time, however, their insights will be appreciated by solitary readers who seek them out . . . and the brave, hearty, and ever-cuddly LiveReal Agents...
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